1%

1%.  You don't think about the 1% risk in anything until it happens to you.

Choosing a delivery plan seemed like a secondary decision at the time.  I was honestly more concerned about my plan for who was going to take care of Sydney when we went to the hospital. Sydney was breech and was born via cesarean years prior.  Our second pregnancy was routine, best case scenario, in fact.  Baby Kate was healthy, I felt great, tired, and huge.  My doctor was very informative, upfront, and positive about the potential of a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). This was our plan all along, as long as it was safe and best for mom and baby.

My water broke at 39 weeks, the morning of our planned dr visit to discuss our delivery options...  Ironic, huh. Arriving at the hospital, all was routine, normal, as it should have been.  An interesting piece of my story is that one of my closest friends delivered Kate. She was in her chief residency year at the hospital and knew our family well. Having Tara there through the process, before, during, and after, was, and has been, incredibly comforting. I'll fast forward through the 20 hour day until that night.  It was time to push.  I tried to push, what you feel like pushing is with an epidural.  And it's the most intense few minutes of your life as a new mom... This moment of anticipation and pure exhaustion and fear and nerves... and then the pain started.  It was in a specific place- sharp, and intense. This pain succeeded the epidural.  Unknown to me at the moment, it was not labor pain, it was something much worse. Tara realized sweet baby Kate was a big girl, over 9 lb. big, and needed some assistance coming out. A few pushing attempts later and Kate was born! Beautiful, healthy, full head of hair.  Tara handed her to me to hold on my chest and it was then that I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hold her, I could barely look at her.  (I'll revisit this moment later.)  I looked up at Tara and said there's something wrong.  I'm in pain.  Sam and nurses whisked Kate away and my doctors quickly examined.  Seconds later, I was being prepped for the OR.  I don't remember much about these moments, but I know there was 15 minutes.  15 minutes between Kate's first breath of life and me nodding off in the OR.  My uterus had ruptured.  There is a 1% chance of a uterine rupture during a VBAC. So unlikely, so rare, and it was me.  I woke up to a blue sheet.  I tell friends that I saw blue and heard voices and I thought I was either in heaven or the OR.  Then I heard Tara's voice, that familiar sweet voice, who reassured me everything was okay.  That is a defining moment for me thinking of this day.  Someone you know and trust telling you that you made it and everything is okay.  My uterus ruptured across, up, over.  It was bad. The amount of blood loss was also bad.  Choosing 2 blood transfusions was imperative for my recovery to speed up and to even have the option of nursing. Sparing the details I hardly know myself, my doctors saved my life that day, along with my newborn daughter.

A 5 day hospital stay followed.  Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual battles then followed every day those first few weeks.  Can I stand up?  Can I hold my child?  Can I nurse?  Can I shower? How many people do I let help me?  How do I ever thank my husband for all he has done?  How do I ever express my gratitude to my parents for being there?  Will I ever feel like myself again? Why did this happen to me, God? and then... Why spare me, God?

Some of these questions came moments later, others followed weeks and months later.  That's what happens when one experiences a severe, traumatic moment in life. One of my traumatic memories that replays in my head is the moment I held Kate for the first time and I couldn't freeze that beautiful moment in time.  I was in so much pain and mid rupture, I couldn't be present in that moment.  That made me more sad than the surgery to follow.  This was a moment I so looked forward to, the moment people post pictures of, and write songs about.  And I was too pain stricken to hold her.  What trumps that moment is all of the times I get to hold her now- rocking, cuddling, playing, watching her smile and learn and grow. I get all of those!  So, sure her delivery was not as I hoped for or planned.  But, the goal of a delivery is for a healthy baby to be brought into this world.  And that was accomplished. The wonderful thing about my traumatic experience is that... it produced life.  Our pastor talked today about scars.  And how scars are proof there was once a wound and now it is healed.  That healing happens because of Jesus. I have a 5" scar across my lower torso. It's healed as expected and no one will see it, but it's there and there isn't a day that goes by I don't know it, see it, feel it.  But oh my goodness, it produced life. 2 lives.  My beautiful baby Kate and my spunky Sydney.  I have scars from Kate's birth. Physical and emotional scars. They are big and ugly and will always be there. I also have life that I get to hold and kiss and witness grow every day.  That is absolutely amazing. From pain, there is Hope. Love. Life. Thank you, Lord, for this precious gift.

We bought a house!

We are delighted to say we bought a house here in Nashville.  And not just any house, the perfect house for us.  Hoping to share a few pictures for our out of town friends and family.  Enjoy!

The Joy Dare

I once read a book, (& reread the book) The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry.  Read the book if you haven't... it will revolutionize your outlook on life.  It is based on Philippians 4:8 and the idea that fixating on things that are lovely and true and joy-filled will actually turn your life around.

It's hard... focusing on truth and love and joy.  It's hard to find the good in the bad, the hope in the seemingly hopeless.  BUT, perhaps these are the secrets to those astonishingly happy people.  Just maybe the key to being joyful is choosing joy... time after time.

the 4:8 principle, tommynewberry.com

So here is my personal joy dare.  Join me, if you will?

1- Discover daily Joy: In every part of my day, find the best part and cling to it.  People, nature, places, smiles, laughter.

2- Smile through the frustration, the disappointment.  Amazing what smiles can do to our emotions.

3- Make someone else smile.  Compliment.  Mean it. Say Thank you.  Acknowledge.  Accept.  Understand.

4- Encourage.  Find genuine encouragement through notes, gestures of kindness, hugs, pats on the back.

5- Find my favorite song and sing it/listen to it every day for a week.  Right now, it's Brave by Sara Bareilles.  It makes me happy.

6- Wear bright colors.  It works.

7- Ask someone important to you: "What can I do for you to make your day better/easier?"

8- Cuddle with someone (babies, dogs, husbands are good for this)

9- Go outside.  If it's a beautiful day, get out there! Sit, walk, run, jog.  Vitamin D does a body good.

10- Choose joy again and again and again.  It is a choice.  Don't waste this precious, beautiful life without it.

doors

There are wooden doors with windows, metal ones without.  Doors to rooms, doors to houses, doors to our hearts.  A door to my house that was kicked in during a home invasion and robbery.  In a matter of seconds, pounding kicks followed by our screams and yelling to the burglar getting away with a small bag and my wallet.  I have never been so scared in my life.  My heart has never raced faster.  The whole time I was holding my baby girl in my arms.  A new level of protective mama bear goes into action.  (That would be stay out of the way and pray action!)  We were left with a door kicked in to replace, a dreaded visit to the DMV for a replacement license, and replaced debit cards.  All replaceable things.

Why did it take someone knocking down my door for me to acknowledge my heart in a new, real way?  To fall on my knees in complete desperation and fear before the Lord.  I love Jesus and I understand the power of prayer... but yesterday it hit me.  I have a blessed, privileged life.  I don't live in a state of fear, thank goodness.  This is hopefully our one and only home invasion in a lifetime.  I pray that, I hope that. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.  The fear, the worry, the anxiety that follows.  The sleepless night.  5 am comes around and I wake up peeking out the windows, checking the locks once more.  Those emotions that flood in are intense, they are real and legitimate.  Instead of living in that fear, I found myself praying aloud for God to protect my family.  For us to know what to do, to see His hand even in the most terrifying experience.  It took this awful, terrifying incident for me to seek God's presence in a new, big way.  It seems backward, doesn't it?... to find power and praise in the worst of situations.

My truths I cling to...
God is bigger and more mighty than this criminal.  He will prevail.
My God is just and this thief is an idiot.  He will be caught. I just know it!
Mr. Idiot Thief stole my joy yesterday, he will not steal it today.
New doors, new locks, lots of lights, and one amazing husband who will check the house for me at all hours of the night make me feel a little more safeguarded.
We are equipped to provide and protect our family.
Syd won't remember this... thank goodness. I pray for her innocence to stay in tact as long as possible.
I may not understand who, why, or what this moron was thinking.  It's beyond my understanding.  The Lord knows this person's tainted, desperate heart.  He will face his day in court and before the Throne one day.  My God's gonna kick your door down, buddy. Watch out.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne.  Unfailing love and truth walk before you as attendants.  psalm eighty nine: fourteen

Blocking out a block

Each beginning school year, I put a lot of thought and effort into planning and structure.  Especially switching  from 60 minute periods to 90 min blocks, I played a lot of trial and error over the years.   This past school year, I feel like I implemented a plan that works and is worth sharing.  I spent a lot of time exploring options and compiling resources with my professor and friend, Emily.  She challenged to do what I know works with kids and trust my instincts.  I believe it is important for every educator (& professional for that matter!) to have a person who does this for you.  Find someone to talk through ideas, flesh out your creativity, and challenge your thinking. 

The end result looked something like this:

90 minute block Reading-LA (grades 6-8)

20 min SSR (silent sustained reading) students read silently and completed varied forms of accountability). I conducted individual reading conferences or circulated the room asking questions or asking students to read to me.

15 min warm up- alternate vocab/ grammar or combination 

I used Caught Ya Grammar: Giggles in the Middle, I also like Everyday Edits

5 mini TCAP review-1 daily grade & subj specific multiple choice question to review test taking strategies... Gradual release from teacher led to student led

50 min mini lesson- content specific mini lessons

This portion of the day varied depending on our classroom goals. 

Typically, a week looked something like this-

Day 1- hook- guiding questions to peak interest, and/or digital hook 

Intro vocab... (Vocab pulled from text to be read hat week and/or greek/latin roots) Discuss students' prior understandings of word meanings prior to exploring meaning, flashing images/videos for students to develop a definition as a class, students create a chart or table to record word, meaning, image/symbol, related words/ideas. (Revisit vocab daily during warm up or ad we encounter these words in the text)

Day 2 & 3-  introduce text to be read that week, preview length of text, genre, images 

Develop a purpose for reading, it could to explore, for entertainment, to gather and sort info, etc. this purpose ties into the objective and standard being taught. 

Begin by modeling. Usually, I would read the first paragraph of the shared text and demonstrate how I would sort and record the information I found. Then, students may join in reading and together we would practice the skill. Finally, students try this in partners or groups. 

We continue this structure with checkpoints as we go.

Day 3 & 4- putting it all together. I assign students a project- based task.  Usually, this was a writing task or a chart with textual evidence. It may have been a group project or research skills.  Either way, I introduce the task on day 3, providing a checklist or a rubric. Students continue reading the assigned text and complete the task by day 5. Day 4 would act as a working day, I would meet with groups to checkpoint their progress/ address questions/ clear misconceptions.  

Day 5- rotating small groups/assessment/complete weekly task(s) depending on what needed to be done. I usually created my assessment based on the vocab from the text, grammar skill, and reading skill taught that week.  Once finished, students could have time to complete, or fix, any weekly tasks with my input.  

While there  is much more to each part, this became my bare boned structure each week.  The routine itself became second nature and my students were the ones who kept me on track and on time.  I would vary the genre and try to blend fiction & non-fiction.  Challenging students with tasks that crossed over texts and genres blended well with Common Core.  Because of this structure, I noticed an increase in student time on task, more work placed on the students, and I was less burned out come Friday.  I would use this same structure again in a heartbeat.  I encourage other teachers to try and shift pieces of a class structure around until it fits your teaching style and the needs of your students. Flexibility and innovation are key!

No one likes to talk about the bad days

It's easy to blog about the good days, the joy of life. It's not so easy to be honest about the real emotions and hormonal pinball machine your heart and mind are thrown into.

The joy of motherhood is real.  It is the most amazing gift on earth.  Her little hands and feet mesmerize me.  Every noise or interaction is like a first step.  I am incredibly thankful to be home with my daughter for the first months of her life.  I know these are moments I will never have again. 

The bad days are real too.  It doesn't discredit the joys mentioned above... I won't let them. They are real for everyone, but for a new mom the baby blue days happen. You don't want to talk about it.  You don't want people to think you aren't joyful and happy and on cloud 9.  I was! I am! but, I still had/have bad days.  The more we don't talk about those days, the more everyone else feels like they are crazy and alone.  

I have learned to claim my bad moments and days.  To own them, to admit them, and to talk about them.  Then, I try to counteract them.  Does this always work? No. But usually it helps just a little bit.

My bad days are on rainy days... like yesterday.  I don't like to be stuck inside or to get wet in the rain.  Lately, getting outside is a big deal. (But I can walk in the mall and park under a parking deck!)

My bad days are when I don't feel like a good mom.  When she cries and I don't know why... when I go too long without feeding her.  When I miss my freedom.  When I just can't lift/load/carry that incredibly heavy car seat.  (But I am doing the best I can every day.  I have people in my life that I can text or call and admit I don't feel like a good mom.)

My bad days are when I can't wear anything in my closet pre baby.  When I read that pinterest blog "I was thinner than pre pregnancy at 4 weeks" and I secretly hate that girl I don't know.  (But I look at this sweet baby girl and know my body held her for 9 months and she is healthy and beautiful and I stick with my T shirt and thank god for those elastic black pants.)

My bad days are when I actually find time to run an errand and the lady at Walgreens is having a bad day too.  (I forget I'm not the only one who has them.)

My bad days are when I accidentally spill just a spot of that liquid gold and I cry a little. (There is nothing that counteracts spilled milk.)

My bad days are when I think about going back to work because I love my job and cry thinking about it. (Then I'm thankful for a husband who supports my decision and loves me because I am wired to be a working mom.)

My bad days are when I cry. For no reason in particular and I don't want to cry, but I cry, then little one cries and crying doesn't actually feel foreign anymore. And it can be anything really. That stupid Mother's Day publix commercial or someone dying on Grey's Anatomy or anyone having a baby in a movie or on tv. (Tears are purposeful, but sometimes have no explanation... So I let them happen.)

My bad days aren't days really... they are moments. They don't counteract my good days and my good weeks.  I don't let them. My joy is so much bigger than my bad moments.  I had this huge realization when my daughter was about 3 weeks old and I was in the hardest days... this is the most joyous time of my life.  I can let it pass by in a blur of my tears or I can embrace these days that are joyous.  Joy was my choice.  It is daily.  It isn't easy and perhaps I am writing this to remind myself of my choice. Some days my choice is to cry and to have a bad day.  It. is. ok.  Tomorrow is new and different and it might be another bad day, but at least it's a new day.  I wish I had the perfect verse for the exact moments of these days. And of course there are many, but the only one that came to my mind over and over again was He makes all things new.  Newness doesn't erase the previous.  It just starts over.  Life is new. Babies are new and sweet and smell good. Days are new, moments are new.  I can't make them new. I can't start the day over, or produce life on my own.  But My God who is so great and mighty can.  He can start it over and start new life and it is amazing and fresh and beautiful.

He makes all things new.


*Disclaimer- Every woman is different and experiences emotions in different ways. This is simply my journey in trying to cope and figure it all out. 

Pause

Being home on maternity leave has allowed me time to love on my sweet girl and has surprisingly allowed me to learn so much about myself.  If you know me, you know I love to be around people.  I crave conversation and relationship.  I hate quiet or stillness.  I am that girl.  I don't like awkward silence or nap time.  I want noise and fun and entertainment.

Until recently.  Being home causes me to be still.  Every day I try to limit my tv/Netflix time as much as possible.  Those things will always be there, these days will not.  I read this devotional blog this morning about rest and the Sabbath outlined in the bible...

"It's all about pausing and connecting with God without the distracting chaos of our everyday routines. For one day a week, we step out of the fray and let God direct our day according to His rhythm, not ours....  Taking one day for rest gives my soul the freedom it so desperately needs. Freedom to breathe. Space to breathe. Inhaling and exhaling in a gentle rhythm set by God." Lisa TerKeurst 

It totally hit home with me... Our society, our world, thrives off busyness.  We find silence and rest uncomfortable... I sure do. When God has prescribed medicine for our addiction to that busyness of life- it's rest and quietness.  In that is when we are actually able to soul search, we allow God to set that pace of life that is so contradictory to what we are told is good.  

So in this phase of my life, I find goodness in the quiet of our little home.  A house is being built two doors down and I actually enjoy the sound of hammering and trucks in and out.  The little coos and squeaks Sydney makes during her nap fill my heart.  That noise machine is soothing for both of us!  I actually listen to birds chirping and rain or wind outside.  And in those sounds and moments of my new mommy days, I am reminded of how great and powerful our God is. Breathing and listening and not doing a lot is just as fulfilling as my busy life once was. 

a few of my favorite things... new mom edition!

I cannot believe I am a mom of a one month old!  Sydney K is the joy of my life and I'm slowly trying to figure this mom thing out.  I've found some products & resources that make my life a little easier these days.  These are those things I'm either glad someone told me ahead of time or I wish I had known before little one came!  Hoping you're either nodding in agreement or you can have a heads up as a future mommy yourself. :)

#1. Find a friend. Or 2 or 10.  The biggest support you will find are other new moms.  Whether they are in the same city or just a phone call away, find other women who engage in honest, real conversation or emails! This has made all the difference for me in finding sanity during the first month of mommyhood.  (Shoutout to Sleeplicity.com !!)

#2. Get a husband ... well the married kind is pretty awesome too :)... but I mean the pillow kind like this one. My brilliant parents bought this one for me my first week home and it was a life saver.

#3. Lucie's List. Not only is this blogger hilarious, my husband and I literally laugh out loud when I read her stuff, but she is accurate and smart!  When you subscribe to her blog, you receive emails during pregnancy, postpartum and during mommyhood.  She's awesome and makes my inbox more entertaining.

#4. Amazon Mom. Thank you Ms. Parvin for getting me on this bandwagon!  First, you want the diaper and wipes discounts.  You also want the free shipping.  I didn't realize how much I would shop online, but you do.  My trips to Publix and Target are few and far between... and are meticulously planned, and usually with a friend.  Amazon is your new best friend.

#5. This blanket: We received many beautiful blankets from friends and family, but this one is our favorite! (Thanks Melissa!!) We call it the Magic Blanket. Not only is it soft and warm, but Sydney loves it to soothe to sleep when nothing else works.  Find your magic blanket, whatever works use it!

#6. Medela Microwave steam bags- Thanks Gavin! This saves time and energy for steam cleaning bottles, pump equipment, etc.  Ah-mazing.

#7. Dr. Brown's Bottle Warmer- Whether you're warming formula or breast milk bottles.  This is a life saver!

#8. Ipad- If you don't have an Ipad or Kindle or other type of tablet, get one.  I didn't realize how limited I would be during nursing.  I spend many hours reading or watching something on the ipad.  (Turning pages or a remote is tricky!)

#9. Bath tub thermometer-  This one beeps if the water is too warm or too cold- brilliant!

#10. A bouncer or swing or rock 'n play, or all of the above!  We started with a bouncer, which we use for day naps without the bouncing.  Anything that lets you put him/her down during the day in the room with you. We're still getting used to the swing, only about 20 min a day for now.

Those are my top 10! Other moms (new and veteran!), what else would you recommend?  What do you wish someone told you to get or think of beforehand?

Waiting

There are very vivid, particular moments in life when we are forced to wait. Wait for Fridays, wait on traffic, wait for people, waiting rooms...

The most memorable moments I've waited are those big events.  The ones you plan and anticipate for months or even years, and most of them usually pass in just that- moments.

Graduation, graduation again, and oh yeah graduation again. What can I say, I'm a lifelong learner?
Get the cap and gown, finish the course requirements, celebrate, pomp & circumstance. Done in a few hours or a long weekend.

Falling in love.  I may have tripped a few times to wait on this one.  This love did not come and go, he's a forever and was worth every second of the wait.

The wedding.  After love, comes marriage.  I remember the summer of 09 and counting down every single day to the big day.  Planning every detail, deadlines, deposits, schedules, out of town guests, the dress.  Everything comes and then it's over in a day's time.  The wedding itself slips by, but it was only the beginning of our incredible journey of marriage.

Sydney's Birthday.  And now we're waiting again.  Yes, Sydney's birthday will be one day, one moment, one memory... but in that moment, our family becomes permanent.  This is the wait that changes everything.  I try to soak in moments of silence or boredom- knowing I will not experience those two words again for a very long time.  I try to stay busy and keep my mind occupied, yet find myself very distracted by the idea that we will meet our daughter in a matter of weeks or days.  It's a strange feeling- anticipating the drastic changes that are on the horizon.  I don't want time to speed up or slow down.  I just want to wait for the moment when everything changes and then let it change.

psalm sixty two:five,six

let all that I am wait quietly before God,

  for my hope is in him.

he alone is my rock and my salvation,

  my fortress where I will not be shaken.

It's okay...

35 weeks pregnant comes with the wonderful combination of change, nerves, and excitement.  I've learned to forgive myself and allow grace in ways I never knew before pregnancy.

A few okays for other pregnant moms-to-be...

It's okay to gain weight, (especially after week 30!) ... it is for a reason- you're participating in God's greatest miracle.

It's okay you can't see your feet... they're swollen anyway.

It's okay to sleep and sleep a lot... knowing this is the last good night's sleep we'll ever have.

It's okay to eat ice cream... maybe just not every night :)

It's okay to sit down... it does not make you weak, people understand.

It's okay to not be okay... some days are not easy and are emotional, and it's okay to cry about it.

It's okay to say no and do less... it helps prepare for parenthood to come.  It won't be the last no.

It's okay to ask for help... when people offer or volunteer, allow them to help.  It is not a sign of vulnerability, it is a sign of awareness and strength.

It's okay to want to wish away the weeks... but don't.  A good friend told me "Pregnancy is nine months for a reason."  Your little one is growing and developing and so are you.

It's okay to plan, prepare, read, decorate... but don't expect it go just so.  I am more okay with not having a plan than ever before in my life.  Learn how to be prepared but relinquish control at the same time.

Come on in twenty thirteen...

As the new year begins, 2013 will be a year of new beginnings in many ways.  We will welcome our daughter to the world in the next three months, a moment that will knowingly change our lives forever.  I have so many hopes for myself as a mother, for us as new parents and for our little girl to come.

I hope to enjoy the moments before THE moment of her birth.  To embrace the ups and downs of the last trimester.  To enjoy the quiet and simplicity of life before we begin growing our family.  These moments are rare and life will be changed forever sooner than later.

I hope to learn as I go.  In no way do I have this whole parenting thing figured out, nor do I expect to!  I hope to be prepared, knowledgeable  and educated; without expecting to make perfect steps along the way.  I am learning to accept that it is okay to make mistakes and learn as we go.  I hope our daughter will learn this lesson from her parents as we mess up, find grace, and move forward in life.

I hope to find the balance between work and family.  Moving from pouring my identity into my occupation toward balancing both my calling, passion, and love.  I hope to balance my time and use each moment wisely during the work day and make my time at home priority.  & if it doesn't work out perfectly, to be okay with that as well.

I hope to embrace this gift.  Being a mother is a gift and I hope to enjoy each moment, including the pregnancy weeks to come.  I hope even in the wee hours of 2 am screaming baby, tired mom, no sleep coma, I hope to appreciate the moment and the opportunity to be a mother and to have that screaming baby in the middle of the night.

What a year it will be!! Come on in twenty thirteen... 

the hunt for jeans

Some girls love jeans.  They can dress them up or down, they just throw them on and look great.  Me, on the other hand, I do not love jeans.  I never have and probably never will.  I want jeans to fit perfectly and to be less than $50.  Hard to find.  Add my beautiful preggo belly, this hunt just intensified ten times!

My pre-pregnancy jeans of choice were a random super clearance skinny crop pair from Ann Taylor Loft.  I could wear them in the summer/spring and winter with boots.  Golden.  My splurge faves were Paige Premium and Citizens, both which I had to have altered for being shorter than most.  Don't get me wrong, I have over 10 pairs of jeans in my closet, but I always come back to those 3.
photo credit: 6pm.com

So, now we come to the pregnant version of me.  I made those jeans last as long as possible with the Be Band from Target.  Thank goodness to whoever invented that thing!  This weekend, I reached my max, my regular jeans just aren't making the cut anymore at 23 weeks.  Some women can wear their regular jeans all through pregnancy and feel great and look great, and I am more than happy for you (aka secretly jealous), but that is not me.  I embrace it, I love it, I just needed some jeans!

My hunt- I started with my 2 go tos for maternity.
Stop 1: Old Navy. Huge fail.  I tried on maternity skinny, curvy, boot cut, regular, you name it.  All awful.  Painful, in fact, to even attempt!  They may be $20-40, but not happening.

Stop 2: Target.  Just looking at the rack stressed me out.  2 pairs. Really, target?  One pair is the "low panel" version that makes me feel sick looking at it.  The other pair looked too mom jeanish and I didn't even try them on.  Both around $40.

Stop 3: Motherhood Maternity.  Sometimes Motherhood comes through for me, especially with the work clothes.  Online, the jeans were overwhelming.  Too many choices and I needed to try on before.

Stop 4: A Pea in the Pod.  Normally, I avoid this store like the plague unless I'm willing to spend $100 or up, but I did my research first.  They have a store named brand, maternity + petite!  I even called our mall's store to be sure they carried these, AND they were on sale post black friday.  Winner.

My sweet trooper of a husband went with me to stop by Pea in the pod, which we jokingly call, pee in the pond. I tried on one pair and a nice buy one get one top, and I felt like a million bucks.  There is something to be said for comfort, style, and nice quality clothes- especially when you are very pregnant.  I did a little dance in the dressing room and walked out to the counter and said, "Strange request- can I wear these clothes out and buy them now?"  I clearly am not the first person to ask, these women went into action.  One cut off my tags, the other had a bag for my other clothes that didn't make the cut to wear home.  I was in and out in a good 15 minutes.  Check for great customer service! This was the pair I ended up with.  And no, I will not be pairing them with 4 inch black heels, ever- much less now :)

photo credit: apeainthepod.com

After weeks of making those favorite pre pregnancy jeans barely/hardly/kindof work, I am glad to say the hunt is over.  Even if I need another pair in the next 4 months, I will probably buy online now that I know the size and fit that works.  I hope for other pregnant ladies out there, you have much more luck than I did.  It was a painful hunt, glad it is over!

Confessions of a No I'm not having Twins pregnant woman

Pregnancy is absolutely wonderful, beautiful, terrifying, and miraculous all at the same time.  I knew to just give my body and mind away to the growth of our beautiful baby girl, what I didn't know was how others would respond to my growing body.  Being a teacher includes even more strange, shocking and inappropriate comments from both adults and adolescents.

Some of the best, coupled with my inner dialogue that tends to come out more and more these days ;)

"Are you sure you're going to make it to March?"
No, I'm not sure, but your comments on how large and round my belly is isn't making this easier, unnamed coworker. 

"Oh, you're having twins!"
No... just one.

"What if Mrs. N has her baby right here in the classroom on the floor?"
I. will. never. ever. ever. deliver my child on the floor of any classroom. 

"Can I touch your belly?"
Um, no, okay, too late.

"Mrs. N is having her twins in a few months."
No, still not having twins. Thanks.

"Just wait, it gets worse."
Really?? I just thought it was blissfully perfect!  

It truly amazes me the permission people believe they have to comment on my belly, body, unborn child, parenting, you name it!  I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, however, lately, giving the eye and a snarky smile seem more manageable than revealing my inner dialogue in response to these crazy comments.  With all of this said, I am fortunate to have mostly wonderful people who laugh and smile through my pregnancy with me. Many of my sweet friends who have had children or who just like me are patient, caring, and encouraging.  Words of advice: next time you see a pregnant lady, just smile and be kind.  It's for your own benefit, trust me. :)

Primary Secondary Sources

Hello my lovely students!

click on this link  to follow along as we learn about primary & secondary sources. 

What went wrong with those research projects?

Last Spring, I fumbled my way through a research project with my 6th graders.  It was a train-wreck, to say the least.  It lasted 2 weeks longer than expected, it was disorganized and for some reason my students did not know what I wanted from them.  Luckily, we learn from our mistakes.  Common Core emphasizes research and public speaking skills, especially in grades 6-8.  Knowing I had to attempt research projects again, I reconsidered last year's mistakes.  We are in our second week of a unit focused on child slavery.  They seemed very concerned and appalled at the number of child slaves in the world, especially those trafficked into the US.  I thought this would be a great opportunity for students to create a PSA about the topic.  I figured this would be the right time to revive the dreaded Research Project.

Thought I'd share my past mistakes and this year's fixes because I wish someone would have told me beforehand!

Problem last year: I gave students free reign on their choice topic.  This made research and expectations hard to define.

Solution this year: Focusing the project within one focus topic.  We have read multiple narrative and informational texts about child slavery.  They have a sufficient amount of background knowledge prior to starting research.  The topic and expectations are clearly defined.

Problem last year: Students did not know how to navigate through the Internet to find reliable, significant research.

Solution this year: I found a great site that lets you preselect websites for students to visit, Sqworl.com Create a free account and just add the sites you want.  I chose 6 to provide enough options, but to not overwhelm.

Problem last year: Students did not know the steps in order, they relied on me to tell them what to do next.

Solution this year: I am providing each step with details to allow students to become more independent. I used the Word doc from another teacher's PSA project and made it my own.  I've attached my step by step instructions here.

Problem last year: I asked students to keep paper copies and index cards with research.  Papers were lost, messy, or incomplete.

Solution this year: We're going digital!  All documents will be available on Google Docs, final products will be submitted online.  

Of course, we encounter glitches in every plan, but I feel more prepared this year to tackle a research project that is relevant, meaningful, and based on 21st century learning.

Ready, Set, Research!  I'll let you know how it turns out!

Digital literacy vs. tangible books

This summer, I was challenged with an incredible summer course in young adult literacy, thank you Dr. Pendergrass!  We explored adolescent issues and the best ways to teach students through literacy.  Dr. P reminded us "We do not teach literature, we teach students.  We use literacy to teach students."

Given a list of 30ish young adult novels to choose from, I debated whether to buy the hardcover books or purchase them on my ipad.  Being the cheapskate that I am, I went for the cheaper option.  The paperback versions were usually cheaper, (especially on Half.com) but some newly published novels were priced the same on the ipad.  (Check out the Vandy summer YA lit list!)

Now that our course is complete, I am left with the question- which is better? Digital books or tangible books?  My benefits list for each:

photo from wired.com

Digital books: 
- Forget the big box of books! It is all digital, easy to carry
- Easy access: thanks to the iCloud
- Highlighting text couldn't be easier
- Lights up!  No need for a flashlight to read in bed
- Always there, it lasts as long as the ipad is around
- Easy to reference, I love selecting the notes and all the highlighted or bookmarked pages pop up
- Trendy, digital, modern, sleek

Real books:
- There is something special about a new book- the smell, the cover, the pages (Okay, yes I am a nerdy reading teacher.)
- You can pass it along.
- Easy to share. That is part of the joy of reading when you can pass on (literally pass on) a great read to someone else.
- Sticky notes, bookmarks, highlighters, underlining- a good reader interacts with the text.  This seems natural with a real book.
- The fact that I call it a real book shows I may be a bit partial.
- Cheaper?  Usually paperbacks can be found used for a few dollars.
- Bookshelves! are beautiful and make for great home and office decor


So I ask, which is better?  Where will the idea and act of reading be in 5, 10, 15 years?  How do we as teachers prepare our students for the digital generation to come?  I'd love to hear (read) your thoughts! :)

To teach the love of reading, I must first love reading

I must share the summer course reading list.  (The list was compiled by Dr. Hundley and Dr. Pendergrass at Vanderbilt Univ.) These titles are YA lit and are mostly geared toward middle/high school students.  Some include racey topics, always read before recommending to students.  The best lesson I have learned this past year: To teach the love of reading, we must be readers.  I often used the lack of time as an excuse not to read.  This summer forced me to literally Drop Everything And Read!  Once I made time to read frequently, I found myself in love with reading again.  I found myself immersed in the plot and talking about characters like they were friends of mine.  It is worth it.  Read!  Read for fun and for learning.  Then, teach others to do the same!

Happy Reading! and may the odds be ever in your favor...
(I have marked my personal favorites)

** 13: Stories That Capture the Agony and Ecstasy... - James Howe (short stories)
** Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian- Sherman Alexie
The Arrival- Shaun Tan (graphic novel, immigration)
American Born Chinese- Gene Luen Yang (graphic novel)
** Beastly- Kyle Kingson (modern day Beauty & the Beast)
Dark Eden- Patrick Carman
Drums, Girls, Dangerous Pie- Jordan Sonnenblick
** The Fault in Our Stars- John Green
** Forest of Hands and Teeth- Carrie Ryan (zombies, sci fi)
** Getting Away With Murder- Chris Crowe (non-fiction, civil rights)
Marcelo in the Real World- Francisco X
Mississippi Trial- Chris Crowe (realistic fiction based on title above)
Out of the Dust- Karen Hesse
Hey 13- Gary Soto (short stories)
** Holes- Louis Sachar
** Homeless Bird- Gloria Whelan (historical fiction, Indian culture)
** Hunger Games- Suzanne Collins (dystopian lit)
Inexcusable- Chris Lynch
The Lightning Thief- Rick Riordan
Locomotion- Jacqueline Woodson
** Mockingbird- Kathryn Erskine (autism, school shootings)
My Name is Not Easy- Debby Dahl Edwardson
No More Dead Dogs- Gordon Korman
** Okay for Now- Gary Schmidt
Probably Still Nick Swanson- Virginia Wolff (special needs)
Raised by Wolves- Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Riot- Walter Dean Myers (NY riots, historical fict)
Rot and Ruin- Jonathan Maberry (zombies)
** Skeleton Creek- Patrick Carman (horror for middle school, video diary online to pair with reading)
So B. It- Sarah Weeks
Speak- Laurie Anderson
Watsons Go to Birmingham- 1963- Christopher Paul Curtis
** Who Am I Without Him?- Sharon Flake

Middle/High school teachers out there, which pop culture lit titles would you add to the must read list?  

Are there any of the above that you love and/or love to teach?

This year, I'll be starting the year with a unit using short stories with 13- Howe.

photos from amazon.com 

Depth

I am taking a break from my summer class prep, reading book upon book, to write a bit!  Reading and writing are connected, right my fellow literacy teachers?  I always have this middle of the night great idea for a blog and then when I wake up, I forget them.  During the school year, my brain is too busy.  In the summer, my brain goes into slow motion mode.  Instead of a brilliant idea, I find myself sharing what I talk about with friends and my sweet husband who entertains my talking.

Topic of the month: depth.  I think in the summer is when I have time to talk about things, such as depth.  This is when I stop and draw back from my crazy busy life and think about what matters.  I am one of those people who thrives on conversation and relationship.  I have realized and been thinking about the depth of my friendships and relationships.  How often do we (individuals, teachers, wives) walk in, get the job done, walk out... come home, eat supper, watch TV, read, go to bed... I know for me, this happens far too often.  I want to stop and actually get to know people and allow them to know me.  In this depth of relationship, there is risk.  Without risk, there is no depth.  I strive to know and be known by the Lord through prayer and quiet time.  I desire to know and be known by my husband, to carve out intentional time for us to talk deeply about life, hopes, and dreams.  I want friendships that are a balance of laughter and joy, along with sharing life's ups and downs.  Of course not all conversation is deep and meaningful and serious, but I don't want life to solely be about a checklist of events year after year.  As in all things, I am sure there is balance.

Now that I've reflected and pondered, back to reading I go... :)

A plug for a great book about community:

"This is why knowing and being known go to the core of life.  You cannot be fully loved if you are not fully known.  You can only be loved to the extent that you are known.  You can only be completely loved if you are completely known." John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them


* shoutout to our old small group from Ridge with this one! :)

Don't forget about the middle school teachers!

Lately, I find myself in conversation about the lack of middle school teacher resources online.  Of course there are some great blogs with cutesy elementary fun activities and ways to decorate the classroom, etc.  Why is there not a central online resource with lessons, activities for middle school students? (Free of course!)  I am hoping to see more of this, or perhaps I'll start one myself?

Middle school teachers are often forgotten.  Elementary is fun and the kids are usually sweet.  High schools are mini adults and can think and reason.  Middle schoolers are their own breed.  They are not yet young adults but are no longer children.  Their cognitive skill is still being developed, but they must be constantly challenged.  If middle school students are not entertained, they will create their own entertainment.  As an urban teacher, we attempt to educate students with challenges that extend far beyond the walls of a classroom.  My goal is to defy these odds and make learning fun and relevant.  To give the one key out of poverty...

At the end of a school year, relevant and fun learning is a hard goal to reach!  This year, I have given in to the film study bandwagon in my building.  For years, I was told not to just show movies at the end of the year, which I still agree with.  I now see the benefit of analyzing film from a reader/writer's point of view.  I first sent home a parent letter for an option out of the PG13 movies, (cross all your Ts!) for The Pursuit of Happyness and Freedom Writers.  I started google searching for existing study guides to find... practically nothing.  There are some guides out there but they are meant for high school and up.  So I created my own.  I'll post them below.  Each movie is approx. 120 minutes, perfect to stretch across 3 days for about 40 minutes.  I would give students guidance before the movie and time to complete portions of the study guide after the film each day.

So, here is my effort to put out there what we all want and need as teachers- more resources premade to pass along.  I'm hoping to upload more this summer and keep this going as my time allows!
(A general overview below, see linked attachments for student resources.)

The Pursuit of Happyness- click for study guide 
Guiding Question: What is the American Dream?  How does this relate to ancient civilizations' social classes?
Show first 5 minutes of 20/20 interview with Chris Gardner *Stop at 4:21
Previewing Activity questions on study guide
3 segments of movie time
Review/Closure: Connection/Reflection questions

Freedom Writers- click for study guide
Guiding Question: Would racism exist if everyone were blind?
Show movie trailer
Previewing Activity questions on study guide
3 segments of movie time
Review/ Closure: Connection/Reflection questions
Participate in the Line Game as seen in the movie
More questions/writing prompts (mostly higher level)

Balance?

I'm stuck at home sick this week with ginger ale, tea, tamiflu, and TV.  Sometimes it takes the flu to make me stop and take a break and consider the idea of balance.  I am involved in conversations everywhere I go about balance. This year, more than ever before, I am constantly forced to choose how to invest my energy and time.  My busiest days of the week include a full day teaching middle schoolers, sometimes 1-2 hours spent in meetings, 3 hours in grad class, leaving 5 total hours to spend with my husband, eat dinner, let the dog out,... the list goes on.  Every teacher I know asks, "How do I balance my obligations at school and my personal life?"

I tried to achieve such balance using several tactics.  First, I tried to schedule my week down to the minute of every obligation, want, and desire for my day.  I believe the schedule itself became more stressful than the potential outcome.  Next, I tried having someone else hold me accountable, encouraging me to leave at a certain time, asking if I spent quality time with my husband, etc.  That works for awhile, but then when I fall short, I felt like a failure.  Like I not only let down myself, but also this other person.  Both of these attempts fed into my perfectionism.  The thought that everything must be just so for my life to work out.  Most recently, I believe I found the way that works best for me.  I make a goal time to go to work, to leave work, to eat dinner, and then I have a goal of nothing time.  Time to not plan the second, to just enjoy life on my own or with Sam.  With a goal instead of a strict schedule, if it doesn't happen, the world doesn't end.  This is my way to bump up against my perfectionism.  To let go of the strenuous schedule and enjoy day by day.  And if my schedule doesn't work out, I just try better the next day.  

Lately, my goals look something like this:

-spend 10 hours max a day at my work place

-Get at least 7 hours of sleep, even if the work is not done

-approach of grad school work one week at a time and finish it well

-allow about 2-3 hours of school work at home (life of a teacher)

-make dinner 3 nights a week

-spend at least 1 hour of uninterrupted, quality time with my husband every day

-have one date night a week, solely devoted to Sam

-have at least 1 afternoon or night spent with friends (usually this overlaps with teachery/grad school, hello there social capital!)

-spend an hour a day reflecting, in prayer, and thanking my God for this precious life

-Go to the gym or sweat 3 times a week

Again, these are goals! I don't think I have ever reached all of my goals within one week.  That's what makes it work.  Do I have this balance thing perfected? Of course not.  What I have learned is that I allow myself grace when it comes to my schedule and doing this phase of life just right.  I do the best I can, come home to my husband, and enjoy life. It's as if finding balance is a constant choice, constant forgiveness, and continuous change.  

So I ask you, how do you find your balance?

*photo credits: various blogs, Pinterest